found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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