He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
