How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
