Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
