she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
this hospital has no fireball
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
