the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
