So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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