I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
