I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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