my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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