What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
