fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
