do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
