If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
