I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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