remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
