i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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