What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
