You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Small penises have feelings too.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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