Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
