My liver just broke up with me...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize