It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Let's get the cat blown out
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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