____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
