I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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