You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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