She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
