Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
