What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
