you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
