they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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