Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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