in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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