then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize