Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i think i just lost a toe
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
