I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
