1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
