It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
