Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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