so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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