So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We need to get me chipped asap
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
