Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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