Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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