to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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