saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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