I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
