when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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