so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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