Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
