If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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