i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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