Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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