So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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