Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize