And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
