Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
