I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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