I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
