I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
