I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
