he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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