I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
