i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
