U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
