After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
