Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
