barbara walters just said penis...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and she was petting her beer can
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
