and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize