Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
