Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
