Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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