I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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