How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
