I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
too bad you live with your parents still
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
