I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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