batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
