She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
