she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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