We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
