wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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