then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
