Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
