I want to have your abortion
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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