I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
