Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
