And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize