We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
