So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
