If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we're making bets on your personal life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
