It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
