i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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