My first STD was from a foam party
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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