shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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