I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
