My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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