Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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