all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
