I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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