I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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