My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
