operation have a gay friend backfired
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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