I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
