Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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