I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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