Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
