today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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