well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize