there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
